Forgiveness: A Powerful Word That Many People Practice
This is a powerful word that many people to practice including me. For years, it took me a loooong time to get this concept. I was the type of person that wanted to get revenge. I wanted them to suffer as I suffered. As I got God in my life more, I started to realize that the only person that was suffering was me not them. They would be going on with their lives happy go lucky and I would be sitting around being mad about it. This was especially true for my family, friends, and past relationships.
For years, I’ve held a grudge against certain family members for how I was treated. From my weight, my attitude, people treating me like I wasn’t supposed to belong anywhere, I have been dealing with this for years. I have always been different because I wasn’t shaped like everybody else nor did I act like everybody else. My family pretty much gave me this treatment all the time. I couldn’t really understand why because I was family…blood-related indeed. I always got the outsider treatment.
It wasn’t until my great-grandma was telling me things to make me feel good and be proud of being me until everything started to make sense. She didn’t say it in words but I really got what she was doing to make it be comfortable for being me. As I got older, I beagan to really figure out what was really going on.
I have never been the type to follow trends or keep up with the Joneses. I always wanted to love being me and appreciate me what was I was and I was becoming. My great-grandma gave me that push to do it. So now I look back and realize that I’m glad I didn’t try to be like anybody else but me.
I love myself, from my size, my personality, to my one of a kind way of doing things. I forgive the ones that brush me off making me feel like I didn’t belong because now I’m more than glad to stay in my lane and do me. I love every minute of it.
All my friends know I’m loyal by default. I will give you anything you want and I will be there when you call. Over the years, I realize I gave way to much to people that didn’t appreciate it. I often use to sit back and listen to people talk about their problems or whenever they needed something, I would make a way to give it to them. But I realize one day, the more I was giving, the more they were taking and not giving me anything in return.
At first, I brushed it off because I would think this is my friend, they wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. As time progressed, I started to realize that’s exactly what they were doing. I just got tired of it. One day, I decided to tell off all the people that I felt I didn’t need in my life. I tell you when I got through saying what I needed to say, I felt sooo good. It felt good to release all the pressure off me. I forgive the ones that had no good intentions for our friendship but I’m glad I don’t have to deal with it anymore.
I love being in a relationship. I love the affection and attention that I get when I’m in a relationship. I love the warm feeling I get being with someone that I care about. With my relationships just like my friendships, I’m loyal, loving, and a ride or die type of chick. But unlike my friendships, if I get that feeling that I’m not getting what I need to get from a relationship, I will distance myself from you until you break up with me or vice versa.
In all my relationships, they were different. I always went for someone that our personality clicked. I’m not the girl to go for physical. That’s always a plus but if you don’t have the intelligence and personality to match, then I’m not even interested. But in my experience with my guys, everything starts out really good. Everything is in the relationship is just good. But then, things shift to where I’m giving and you taking. Then, all of a sudden, things just did not feel right.
Of course, my intuition comes in and I already know that it’s only a matter of time before I go off the most part or you just tell me that you found somebody else. For years, I kept trying to figure out whether or not I was doing wrong or the guy I was with. In the end, I realize it’s both of us. On my end, I allowed things that I knew weren’t right or I gave in too much to the point I was going off.
On their end, they thought I was going to be the chick that you can run over on and get away with it…no no no lol. I appreciate every experience I have with my guys. I learned from them a lot about myself. I forgive the wrong that was caused on their part. I hope they forgive me for the wrong on my end. But thank God, I don’t want any of y’all back.